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 Short scene I wrote today

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Ginz the Gee

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PostSubject: Short scene I wrote today   Fri May 03, 2013 7:04 pm

I'm not sure if I want it part of my story yet, but here it is:

Quote :
Layla sighs. She doesn't know why she is feeling this way. I thought I was disgusted by Fallon? Why do I get a weird feeling every time we argue that, frankly, seems like attraction? She puts fingers on her temples in thought. If I didn't know better, that I loathe her, I would almost think I have... Layla has to stall her mental sentence, shuddering slightly despite them being her own thoughts. ...a crush on her. What the hell would I see in her, though?

Layla pauses her trail of thought and goes into her memory of when she and Fallon argued, picking out her emotional responses of the events. Something in particular stands out: Layla admires Fallon's blunt and frank attitude, the way she seems so confident about her words, and how she is so much better with ideas than Layla is. She let it sink in.

Okay, there are things that I like about Fallon, Layla admits to herself. However, it's not like anything is going to change, even if I do tell her that I actually don't hate her, and that I have those kinds of feelings for her. I doubt Fallon likes girls, and if she did, those feelings would definitely not be for me.
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Crazy Mango

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PostSubject: Re: Short scene I wrote today   Fri May 03, 2013 7:07 pm

GEE.

HOW DO WRITE
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Whispskull Rosiebot
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PostSubject: Re: Short scene I wrote today   Fri May 03, 2013 7:07 pm

Not bad! I'd suggest less exact thoughts in itallics, however. You can often get emotions across is a way that sounds better, and gives the reader more, when you describe them more instead. It's short, but nice. :) It'll be cool to see where you go with this.
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Ginz the Gee

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PostSubject: Re: Short scene I wrote today   Fri May 03, 2013 7:09 pm

Crazy Mango wrote:
GEE.

HOW DO WRITE
I DON'T KNOW
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Ginz the Gee

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PostSubject: Re: Short scene I wrote today   Fri May 03, 2013 7:11 pm

Whispskull Rosiebot wrote:
Not bad! I'd suggest less exact thoughts in itallics, however. You can often get emotions across is a way that sounds better, and gives the reader more, when you describe them more instead. It's short, but nice. :) It'll be cool to see where you go with this.
Meh, again, I'm not sure if I want it in the story
(is it possible for a writer to make fanfiction of their own work without it being canon lol)
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Rainy

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PostSubject: Re: Short scene I wrote today   Fri May 03, 2013 7:18 pm

Okay, that was pretty good. ^^
It's short, but you can tell Layla is conflicted and you get a vague feel of Layla and Fallon's relationship.

Quote :
Okay, there are things that I like about Fallon, Layla admits to herself. However, it's not like anything is going to change, even if I do tell her that I actually don't hate her, and that I have those kinds of feelings for her. I doubt Fallon likes girls, and if she did, those feelings would definitely not be for me.
Okay, just one little thing here. I don't think you're supposed to bold when you're trying to use emphasis during thoughts. I was taught to just unitalicize - not a word - things. So it would be, "...even if I do tell her I don't actually hate her, and that I have those kinds of feelings..."

Quote :
(is it possible for a writer to make fanfiction of their own work without it being canon lol)
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is. xD
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Ginz the Gee

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PostSubject: Re: Short scene I wrote today   Fri May 03, 2013 7:24 pm

Rainy wrote:
Okay, that was pretty good. ^^
It's short, but you can tell Layla is conflicted and you get a vague feel of Layla and Fallon's relationship.

Quote :
Okay, there are things that I like about Fallon, Layla admits to herself. However, it's not like anything is going to change, even if I do tell her that I actually don't hate her, and that I have those kinds of feelings for her. I doubt Fallon likes girls, and if she did, those feelings would definitely not be for me.
Okay, just one little thing here. I don't think you're supposed to bold when you're trying to use emphasis during thoughts. I was taught to just unitalicize - not a word - things. So it would be, "...even if I do tell her I don't actually hate her, and that I have those kinds of feelings..."
Yeah, I had it that way at first. I forgot why I changed it. Silly five hour ago me.

Quote :
Quote :
(is it possible for a writer to make fanfiction of their own work without it being canon lol)
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is. xD
Thought so. XD
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